In my never-ending research spiral, I stumbled across a small Milwaukee university that most people have never heard of—the Milwaukee School of Engineering, better known as MSOE.

Now, I’ve mentioned Marvin a few times, and the latest story was mostly centered on him. If you haven’t read it yet, go read it right now! 😡

Until this post, the only places confirming that Marvin attends MSOE were his biography, so imagine my surprise when a classmate casually mentioned to me that one of her friends was planning to attend MSOE.

We live in suburban Texas. How does anyone out here know what MSOE is? I only know about it because I do an unhinged amount of research for these fictional stories.

In a perfect world, I’d be writing about Tosa North High School instead of Tosa East because Tosa North doesn’t exist. I’m actually decent at making things up. If Benny World ever became a TV show, the universities and real locations would stay, but the companies characters work for would have to change.

IBM: Yeah, we’d rather not have Marvin associated with us. We’re busy laying him off in favor of cheaper overseas labor, thanks.

General Engineering Machines (GEM): どうもありがと Mr. Roboto

Speaking of Marvin, the sequel is coming soon™. Vanessa’s 50th birthday is March 29th, so it must be published by then. (Why did I make all these characters so old? Great question.)

The good news is that Benny World has younger characters who can theoretically keep the story going indefinitely: Jessica (20) and Robert (17), Ben’s grandchildren, who currently live in Madison.

Jessica attends UW-Madison on a soccer scholarship, and Robert is an FCS prospect. For the non-college football people: FCS is essentially the division below schools like Texas State: fewer scholarships, smaller programs, but still legitimate football.

On a different front, I’m developing a story centered on Will Kowalski—Ben’s friend—and his wife Virginia. It’s 1993. Will has just been laid off from Sears, which shed 50,000 jobs that year 😯, while Virginia is left holding their household together.

Within sixty seconds of meeting Virginia, you will learn two things:

1. She attended the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern.

2. She works at the Chicago Tribune.

“I would attend Northwestern again. They have a better football team now.” — Virginia Kowalski (née Smith), Medill ‘82

From 1978 to 1982, Northwestern lost 34 consecutive games. Virginia attended the school for 32 of them. She witnessed exactly one win and a 0-0 tie during her entire college football experience. 😭

At least she didn’t attend Prairie View A&M between 1991 and 1998. Though, to be fair, Virginia is a white woman from Skokie; she probably had no idea Prairie View A&M existed until she read about them snapping their 80-game losing streak in the paper.

And don’t think that I forgot about the namesake of this universe. Ben’s biography has been completely rewritten! Go check it out. Still a work in progress 🤫

Also, remember the rant I wrote on Writer’s Blog #1 about me having to do all this work for my teacher’s friend’s AI-generated book? I got an 86, which isn’t bad considering I did the project last minute and had no motivation to do it at all.

When asking my teacher why we did this, she said it was to get an opportunity to work together. My group left me. I didn’t really get a clear answer. She said that sometimes, we had to work on projects we don’t to work on when I told her I didn’t like the project.

Okay, but that was made with AI. Benny World? Benny World can never be replaced with artificial intelligence. It must be written by me, and only me. I even borrowed a book from the city library in an attempt to be a better writer.

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Except, she did.

“I’m sorry, Marvin, but I don’t see you that way. At least, not now.”

“What do you mean?” he asked. “I go to the gym everyday.”

“I mean, you’re just too… unstable. Like, if you’re not ready for a serious relationship. I don’t even think I’m ready for one,” she confessed. “But we can always be friends.”

She smiled. He did not.

A few weeks later, Vanessa had been asked out on a date by Tom Broderick.

Who was Tom Broderick? He was a star basketball player at Wauwatosa East High School, averaging twenty-five points per game as a sophomore. He was handsome and 6’3”.

Who could say no to a date with Tom Broderick?

Meanwhile, Vanessa’s dad, Ben, remained oblivious to the divide happening between his eldest daughter and her oldest friend.

“Did you spend time with Marvin today?” he asked as he read the Milwaukee Journal.

“No. He doesn’t want to spend time with me anymore.”

“Oh,” he said. “Anyway, my best friend’s been dead for twenty-five years. Leukemia. The duplex he lived in was recently burnt to a crisp in an arson and is now an empty plot.”

Ben then went to his room and sobbed.

As we all know, Marvin is tough, and crying is for weak people.

“Who does Vanessa think she is by rejecting me and then dating that loser Tom?” he said in front of the bathroom mirror. “Tom is going to be a benchwarmer when he goes to college.”

He then smiled. “But me?” he said, pointing at himself. “I’m going to become a millionaire. I’m going to major in electrical engineering and create my own PC company. Better than everyone.”

“Marvin, can you get out soon? I need to use the restroom.”

“Oh, sorry Aunt Margaret. I will.”

Where did Marvin’s interest in engineering come from? Ben. Which is why Ben felt a little sad knowing that his daughter wasn’t friends with him anymore.

“Can I fix the broken relationship between our daughter and her ex-friend?” he asked his wife, Sandra, as they watched reruns of Happy Days.

“Probably not,” she replied, not looking up from her book. “Marvin has to fix it himself if he wants to make amends with Vanessa.”

Tom wasn’t the stereotypical jock—he was a genuinely good guy. He had one ultimate goal: earn a basketball scholarship to Duke.

Whlie Tom had the grades for most other schools, he didn’t have the grades for Duke. Who did have them, however, was Vanessa, who happily tutored him for free.

“Why would I charge my boyfriend?” she asked him.

“I don’t know. Because you’re #1 in the class of ‘94?”

“I really want to go to Harvard Med,” she confessed. “I think I can automatically get admission if I also go to Harvard for undergrad. It’s in the name. Harvard.”

Unfortunately, one does not get automatic Harvard Medical School admission by attending Harvard.

Tom did not want to go to Harvard. Harvard didn’t even offer athletic scholarships. Lame.

If Tom was going to play Division I basketball, he needed a scholarship. His parents lived comfortably in Wauwatosa, but with five siblings, they didn’t have tuition saved up for everyone. Why not ease the burden by playing a sport he loved?

Marvin received a knock on his door. It was Ben.

“Marvin, I know you probably don’t want to talk to me right now—”

“Did Vanessa break up with Tom!?”

Ben facepalmed. “No. I’m here to tell you that you’re wasting your time being so angry that you lose your best friend over a stupid rejection.”

“Okay,” he said, closing the door, but Ben stopped him.

“Listen kid. I was angry when I was rejected from Caltech in 1971. I went to Marquette instead.”

“Okay nerd. Bragging about your Caltech rejection from twenty years ago.”

“What I’m saying is that you need to stop being jealous and just be friends again. It’s not the same. Marquette ended up having a killer basketball program in the ‘70s. You can just date someone else and it’ll be okay.”

Ben then left.

Marvin thought about Ben’s words for days. The main obstacle was actually apologizing. Marvin thought he should never, ever apologize.

But here he was, writing an apology.

“Sorry for proving you right.
— Marvin, future tech CEO”

“Want to go to TGI Friday’s and forget this ever happened? As friends, of course.
— Marvin, potato skin lover”

After days of agonizing, Marvin was finally going to write the perfect apology as he sat in his beat-up car. Unfortunately, he fell asleep.

He was woken up by a knock on the window.

“Marv, can you take Tom and I to the mall?” Vanessa asked.

TO BE CONTINUED

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I know I said I would write a story last week, but I never did. Why? Because I love procrastination.

But now that I’m on spring break, there is no excuse for me not to write a story. With so much free time, I’ve decided to actually pick up a real, physical book: Friday Night Lights.

Reading always makes me inspired to write. I should read more.

In fact, the new story is nearly 900 words long. Don’t worry, though. It won’t cross the 900-word mark. I’ll make sure of it. I just don’t want to make the story too short to the point where nothing happens, but also not too long to the point where it’s a short novel.

I have yet to come up with a name for the new story. In fact, the first Benny story, written nearly four years ago, is simply titled Benny 10/8.

[Main character name] + [date written]

Nearly four years after writing it, Benny 10/8 never got a “real” title. At this point, why bother?

Benny 10/8 will be rewritten on October 8, 2026—less than seven months away!

The premise of Benny 10/8 goes like this: Ben Riley grew up in a Catholic household in Milwaukee and slowly his faith. He gets enrolled at an all-boys Catholic school where he was forced to join the football team by his fat-shaming father, who also put a stupid list of rules such as “insulting the country of Ireland” and “eating more than one slice of cake (even at his own birthday party)”.

Eventually, Ben enrolls at Marquette University. While he is there, he meets Sandra, and he breaks all the rules. They get married after graduation and then they have a baby (Vanessa).

Then it ends.

Did freshman me create the greatest literary work of all time?

Freshman me also thought most private schools were boarding schools, which is why I wrote, “The school was not a boarding school, so Benny came home every day…”

Congratulations! That describes 95% of American private schools.

Also, Benny was eventually shortened to Ben because Benny sounds like a childish name. Not many grown men named Benjamin choose to go by Benny.

Over the years, I’ve added to Benny World. For example, I wanted to add a reason for why Ben lost his interest in Catholicism rather than just “he just lost interest.”

Briefly mentioned in the new story is the fact that Ben had a best friend who died of leukemia in 1966. His name was Graham. They went to the same church and everything. Back in the day, leukemia was effectively a death sentence, so in the spring of 1966, he died.

That was the day Ben’s life changed. He refused to believe that God would really let his friend die such a cruel, slow death. His prayers to keep his friend alive went unanswered. Why bother?

His parents didn’t understand why he would stop believing in God. Remember that this was the late 1960s. Everyone believed in God.

Also, I never had a friend get diagnosed with cancer. I know people who survived, but I’m not close with them, and I didn’t know them when they had it.

Oh, and did I mention I don’t live in Milwaukee?

While all my friends talk about the local colleges they’re going to, I’m not going to college straight out of high school. I’ve actually come up with a complex plan of how I’m going to move to Milwaukee.

At first, it wasn’t serious. Now that graduation looms around… it’s serious, alright. I’ll get a full-time job, save as much money as I can, leave, work for at least one year to establish Wisconsin residency for cheaper tuition rates (will probably be two, maybe more years to save up more money), and hopefully enroll.

I guess it’s kind of weird because I’ve always been told that I was going to go to college. I took so many AP classes and took “gifted” classes, so not going to college out of high school sort of feels like a letdown.

But who cares? The dream is Milwaukee where I’ll go to college eventually. I made a bold step today by stepping out in thirty-degree weather wearing just pajama pants and a hoodie. It’s still cold 😭

I haven’t exactly addressed how I will get used to the freezing Milwaukee winters in my plan.

1984

The 1984 Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils football team was undoubtedly the greatest in team history.

Quarterback Willie Totten and wide receiver Jerry Rice drove the “Satellite Express” to average 60 points per game. Therefore, Valley entered the I-AA (now FCS) playoffs as a heavy favorite against Louisiana Tech.

But the Satellite Express quickly crashed back to earth.

In the first quarter, it seemed competitive: down just 10-6. However, it quickly went downhill from there. Totten threw for 485 yards but also six interceptions.

Final score: 66–19.

The real problem became clear once you examined who Valley had actually played.

• Kentucky State (2–9) lost 86–0

• Washburn (2–8) fell 77–15

• Prairie View A&M (0-11) was dismantled 71–6

• Langston (2–9) was defeated 83–11.

Of those four opponents, only Prairie View was Division I.

Even against the SWAC, their defense gave up an average of 30 points. So while their offense was great, their defense prevented them from being arguably one of the best FCS teams of all time.

Alcorn State—who handed the Delta Devils’ their only loss of the season—would also lose to Louisiana Tech 44-21.

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The SWAC Today

Today, the conference doesn’t send its champion to the FCS playoffs. Instead, to find its champion, the conference hosts its own conference championship during the playoffs. The NCAA isn’t going to wait for a conference that has an 0-20 playoff record.

Additionally, the Celebration Bowl (the de facto HBCU national championship) between the SWAC and MEAC champion is typically played the following week. There’s no giving up the Celebration Bowl: it’s aired on national TV, gives out a large payout to the conferences, and showcases HBCU talent that would otherwise be overlooked.

Meanwhile, schools hosting FCS playoff games are required not just to pay a fee to the NCAA, but also 85% of the revenue from the game, with most losing money. For an already underfunded conference like the SWAC, this would be a massive financial loss.

Scheduling in the SWAC

Today, the SWAC has no incentive to create a playoff-ready schedule. The goal is the Celebration Bowl where they’ll play against a school with a similar athletic budget.

Still, even when the SWAC did participate in the playoffs, their schedules were often HBCU-dominant with few PWI (predominately white institutions) scheduled at all.

In 2008, the SWAC went announced plans to go from a nine-game conference mandate to a seven-game conference mandate to hopefully schedule more non-conference opponents.

Instead, it has led to strange situations like 2025 Southern playing Mississippi Valley State and Alabama A&M as “non-conference” games despite the mandate changing to an eight-game conference mandate. The games aren’t even classics—they’re just regular games.

The MEAC and SWAC both struggle with weak non-conference scheduling, though the MEAC—having fewer football-playing members—is forced to schedule more non-conference opponents. Neither conference, however, is innocent when it comes to scheduling games.

Virginia University of Lynchburg

Virginia University of Lynchburg (VUL) is one of the more controversial programs that HBCU athletic departments continue to schedule. The school has faced accreditation warnings and allegations of financial mismanagement. Both coaches and players accuse the program of making false promises, with some raising concerns about unsafe living conditions.

Some defend VUL, claiming they’re just under-resourced. However, the program allegedly lacks proper medical staff and feeds its players fast food before and after games. VUL competes in the NCCAA, not the NCAA or NAIA, yet it regularly appears on Division I schedules, guaranteeing a blowout loss.

In a game where players are often injured, it’s even more common to suffer injuries during blowout losses. If the injuries don’t hurt you physically, the final score will hurt your morale.

For the upcoming 2026 season, VUL is playing the following Division I HBCUs:

• Hampton

• Morgan State

• Bethune-Cookman

• Norfolk State

College of Faith

If VUL raises red flags, the College of Faith institutions were arguably worse. The University/College of Faith operated campuses in multiple states and appeared to exist for one purpose: to collect guaranteed money from buy games against Division I programs. Unlike VUL, these schools lacked any accreditation whatsoever.

The college had no medical professionals on the team, so other teams had to help the other players.

HBCUs—primarily at the Division II level, but some Division I programs as well—put these schools on their schedules:

• College of Faith-Arkansas was scheduled to face Texas Southern in 2015, though the game was ultimately canceled.

• University of Faith-Florida lost to Mississippi Valley State 7–32 in 2014 — a game that stood as MVSU’s sole victory that season.

• University of Faith-Florida also fell to Prairie View A&M in 2015, losing 0–42.

Lincoln (CA)

Lincoln University of California, based in Oakland, existed mostly to collect buy game paychecks. The team had no stadium, no medical assistants, no water during practices, and its coach, Desmond Gumbs, was accused of charging players to rent apartments owned by his family.

In 2025, four SWAC programs scheduled Lincoln:

• Arkansas-Pine Bluff

• Alcorn State

• Mississippi Valley State

• Prairie View A&M

Like VUL and CoF, the scores for these games ended in lopsided losses. Due to injuries, the program was forced to cancel games against Division II Davenport and West Alabama. When they eventually came back, Division II Northeastern State scored more points (68) against Lincoln than the SWAC’s best effort (49 from MVSU).

Lincoln (CA) has since disbanded its football program, but Desmond Gumbs remains as Athletic Director.

The Division II Problem

Now, not every school plays weak non-conference schedules. In 2026, Prairie View A&M scheduled Tarleton and Stephen F. Austin—two teams that made the FCS playoffs last year—along with Baylor (FBS) and East Texas A&M as its non-conference opponents.

But there are very few Prairie Views in the SWAC.

7 of 12 teams in the SWAC and 2 out of 6 teams in the MEAC scheduled two non-Division I schools on their 2026 schedules.

The ones that didn’t?

SWAC

• Alcorn State

• Bethune-Cookman

• Florida A&M

• Prairie View A&M

• Texas Southern

MEAC

• Delaware State

• Howard

• Morgan State

• NC Central

And I know what you’re saying: they’re not going to the playoffs. Who cares?

11-1 Jackson State was supposed to easily win against 6-5 SC State in the 2021 Celebration Bowl. Instead, they lost 31-10.

Jackson State played one FBS game against Southern Miss, but also one Division II game against Delta State, which they won by one touchdown.

SC State scheduled Clemson and New Mexico State, with no Division II opponents.

Arkansas-Pine Bluff deserves a brief mention on its own. In addition to scheduling Lincoln (CA), UAPB also played Westgate Christian — an unaccredited school whose listed address traces back to a business center in Houston. The final score was 79–10 in favor of UAPB.

Because the school lacks accreditation, the game doesn’t appear on ESPN and doesn’t count toward NCAA records. In other words, it was a win that officially never happened.

UAPB finished that season 4–8. Two of those four wins came against Lincoln (CA) and a school that may not meaningfully exist.

Am I—the writer—normal?

Apparently not.

See, my sixth period class made a most insane list, and I ended up in 3rd place. I, however, think that I am perfectly normal.

Now, in my last Writer’s Blog, I discussed Marvin Briggs, Ben Riley’s son-in-law who lives with bipolar disorder (I do not) and deals with the stigma of it.

I made it a bit of a rant because my teacher had assigned me this project where I had to make suggestions and a whole marketing campaign for her friend’s AI-generated book.

I thought this was stupid. Why does this grown woman need these high school seniors to fix and promote her book? And I wish I had questioned my teacher: “Why are we doing this?” but I didn’t.

This is why nothing changes: because I do nothing to change it.

And all the presentations—including mine—said something about hiring an illustrator.

I specifically said, “If the cover is made with AI, a lot of people are going to assume the entire book was written by AI.”

Benny World drawings are not generated with AI. You can tell this because the characters have four poorly-drawn fingers instead of seven warped ones. They have four fingers because a lot of cartoon characters also have four fingers.

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I do, however, use AI for suggestions.

I asked AI to give me a show for Marvin based on his biography. It suggested Mr. Robot. I’ve never heard of Mr. Robot, so I looked it up and watched a couple of episodes. I thought it fit Marvin so well that I became slightly concerned I was subconsciously plagiarizing a show I hadn’t even watched.

Most of my characters’ tastes, though, are just recycled versions of mine.

Ben is obsessed with motorcycles because I was obsessed with motorcycles in ninth grade. Evidence: my toy motorcycle shrine.

In ninth grade, I was also deeply obsessed with Green Day. Therefore, Marvin’s favorite band is Green Day. Evidence: the ten Green Day CDs I still own.

Thank you, ninth-grade me.

I’m extremely dedicated to working on Benny World, even if I haven’t written a story in… um. That amount doesn’t matter. I’ll have a story posted out next week. There’s already a plot: Marvin gets friend-zoned (😂) by his best friend, Vanessa, who starts dating a handsome jock named Tom a few weeks later.

Is is important to note that Marvin is 16 in this story. He does not get diagnosed with bipolar disorder until he’s 23.

Now that I’ve actually said next week in a public post, I have to keep that promise.

Also, if I somehow develop bipolar disorder, I guess I wouldn’t be that surprised. My family does have a history of mental illness, especially on my dad’s side. My uncle’s a schizophrenic, my dad’s cousin has borderline personality disorder (and maybe something else), and I am diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.

And my dad, while not diagnosed with anything, once said claimed that gay people were invented by the government to cause population decline.

Other than that and his homophobia, I still think he’s a cool guy. He picks me up from school sometimes and listens to whatever I tell him. Things my mom doesn’t do 😡

Today is what I call the first official “writer’s blog” both in part because this is a blog and I suffer from really bad writers’ block at times.

I’m feeling really conflicted right now.

My teacher assigned us a long-term project months ago: create a marketing campaign to promote and “fix” her friend’s book. It’s due today. And yes, I’m finishing it at the last minute.

Here’s the issue: I don’t want to promote the book. At all.

I don’t think it’s very good. It was written by AI, and we’re supposed to pour all this effort into polishing and marketing it. Why can’t she revise it herself? Hire a human illustrator. Take art lessons. Do the work. There’s an unspecified cash prize involved, but honestly? I’m not motivated.

Meanwhile, you know what actually has human-made illustrations?

Benny World.

One of my favorite characters in that universe is Marvin Briggs, Ben Riley’s son-in-law. On paper, he’s easy to like: he makes good money, he has great taste in music, he works out. But he’s also written with bipolar disorder.

That’s his “fatal flaw.”

Out of curiosity, I asked classmates and teachers whether they’d date him or they’d let their daughters date him. Most said no. A handful specifically mentioned his bipolar disorder (5/22 no’s). Some of the yes votes mentioned his income (3/12 yes’s).

And that got me thinking.

Bipolar disorder isn’t a joke. From everything I’ve researched, it’s a serious condition I wouldn’t wish on anyone. At the same time, I wouldn’t automatically fear or dismiss someone because they have it, especially if they’re managing it responsibly and taking care of themselves.

I don’t personally have bipolar disorder, and I don’t know anyone close to me who does. But researching it for Marvin has made me more aware of how real and complex mental health struggles are.

That’s part of why this AI-book project bothers me.

It’s easy to type a prompt like, “Write a children’s book about a little girl dealing with cancer.” But it’s much harder to accurately portray a mental disorder when it doesn’t directly affect you.

I’ve been building Benny World since 2022, though the original version of Marvin was made in 2020.

The first Marvin was born in 1948, drafted to Vietnam, and moved from Milwaukee to Dallas in 1972. He died in 2022. Instead of shifting the focus entirely to Michael Briggs—the richest man ever (fictional, obviously)—I “revived” Marvin. The “new” Marvin is still from Milwaukee, but instead of moving to Dallas, he relocates to Poughkeepsie. The original Marvin’s wife was an accountant; the new Marvin’s wife, Vanessa Riley, is a doctor. Oh, and new Marvin was born in 1975.

I research everything. The characters live in real cities. They attend real schools. They work at real companies. Sure, it would be easier to invent fictional towns and institutions, but I don’t.

I just want someone to read it and think, “Wow, this person either knows Wisconsin really well… or is completely unhinged.”

For the record, I’m not from Wisconsin. Just completely unhinged.

Did I just write the greatest piece of literature of all time? And the main character is actually a secondary character!

I’ve learned that I can’t force good ideas. If I sit down and demand brilliance, I get nothing. But if I do nothing? Suddenly: lightning. The best stories arrive when I’m doing absolutely nothing.

This is what happened when I wrote a story I will hopefully publish soon™. I named it The Marvin, Tom, and Vanessa Show after the Blink-182 album The Mark, Tom, and Travis Show (The Enema Strikes Back!), even though the story itself takes place in late 1991.

Essentially, Marvin gets rejected by Vanessa. Shortly after rejecting him, she starts dating a basketball player named Tom.

It’s awesome, I think.

I’ve introduced a new character—Brady Williamson. His name was supposed to just be William, but we already have a William. Will Kowalski. Will does not show up in this story.

In an early version of it, Will’s wife, Virginia, was supposed to show up and have Vanessa babysit Will Jr. This was removed in the latest rewrite as I deemed it “irrelevant.”

Back to Brady. He’ll likely never receive a biography, mostly because he’s just there to shout at Marvin for not going to Marquette High.

I’m stubborn of using real settings. Marquette University High School (a real school in Milwaukee) probably won’t mind if one fictional, slightly annoying teenager attends. Honestly, they should be flattered I know they exist.

Unfortunately, I can’t enroll. I’m a girl.

I could enroll at their sister school, but it’s not the same. I want Marquette University High School. For research purposes.

I’m also a senior so I think it’s too late.

Because I’m also incredibly stubborn on accuracy, which explains why I do so much research.

Yes, we can always make Ben work at Gnarly-Peterson, live in Waukeem, attend Milwaukee Jesuit High School and Milwaukee Catholic College (who inexplicably had a good basketball team in the 1970s), and make anything up. But I don’t do this. I am not like the other fiction writers.

Don’t worry, we already have made-up names just in case the actual institutions decide to sue me.

IBM? What is that?

GEM: Generic Engineering Machines™. Instead of “Big Blue,” it’s “Big Gray.”

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GEM™ is actively trying to lobby against repairable computers.

GEM: You cannot fix our computers! Our items require specialized care by our knowledgeable and certified GEM™ experts who know our technology best. Attempting to repair your GEM device will cause it to shatter your machine into a million little pieces and void the warranty. This is why it’s illegal to swap the RAM with new one. Fortunately, we soldered it in place. Plus, our new machine has a lot more RAM for just a few more dollars.

Other than computers, GEM™ also offers tech consulting services, cloud hosting services, AI business tools, and banking services. GEM is excited for the “you’ll own nothing and be happy” economy, recently introducing subscription BrainTops: the same BrainTop laptop everyone loves, but now in a simple monthly $39 subscription.

The next round of GEM™ restructuring is coming soon.

For nearly four years, I’ve been building the Benny World Universe, a fictional universe set in Southeastern Wisconsin and Chicagoland. The long-term vision? Oh, just a large media empire with a flagship TV series, spinoffs, maybe a movie, a documentary, reunion specials, and even a preschool version so toddlers can grow up with the characters as well. Oh, and learn the alphabet. All preschool shows have to be educational in some way.

At the moment, Benny World exists as a massive document packed with character biographies. A collection of poorly illustrated stories will eventually make their way onto this blog.

Unfortunately, I am a world-class procrastinator.

The Essential Cast:

Summarized into one sentence each

Ben Riley (b. 1953): Raised in a Milwaukee Irish Catholic household, Ben drifts away from Catholicism after losing his best friend and redirects that devotion toward Wisconsin sports, motorcycles.

Sandra Riley (née O’Connor) (b. 1953): A Whitefish Bay native from a family determined to stay in the village at all costs, Sandra pivots from med school ambitions to nursing and later marries Ben.

Vanessa Riley (b. 1976): Former academic overachiever turned family medicine doctor in Poughkeepsie who despite her Wisconsin upbringing commits the cardinal sin of rooting for the Bears.

Melissa Richards (née Riley) (b. 1978): A devoted sports mom who leaves a well-paying marketing manager role to pursue her true passion: graphic design.

Will Kowalski (b. 1952): Raised in a devout Kenosha household, Will stumbles through a carousel of failed relationships before finally settling down after relocating to Chicago, an act some Wisconsinites classify as betrayal.

Virginia Kowalski (née Smith) (b. 1959): A Northwestern-educated journalist from Skokie, Illinois who worked for Chicago’s two largest newspapers, roots for the worst sports teams, and inexplicably chose to marry Will.

Marvin Briggs (b. 1975): A mainframe engineer with bipolar disorder and a difficult childhood who despite all that is a genuinely kind and well-adjusted gym goer who mostly keeps to himself.

Slightly relevant but biography-worthy:

Bryan Hawthorne (b. 1953): Ben’s best friend from West Allis and former lead singer of the local band The Milwaukee E’s who sadly settled down and became a Certified Public Accountant.

Sean Riley (b. 1930): Ben’s Irish immigrant father and Dairy Queen franchise owner whose opinions would’ve aged like milk, though history solved that problem when he passed in 2008.

R.I.P. Sean. You would’ve loved Mad Men.

Ben and Sandra raise Vanessa and Melissa. Vanessa marries Marvin and keeps her name. Melissa marries Billy Richards, who does not have a biography because he is not very important. He’s exists solely to be Melissa’s husband.

Will and Virginia remain close friends of the Rileys. The Kowalskis’ four children grow up in Naperville, earning Ben’s affectionate nickname for the family: The Napervillains. They’re not actually evil.

Ben strongly dislikes Illinois, but makes one exception: Sears. Where else could someone buy Craftsman tools, a refrigerator, get an oil change, take a family portrait, and walk out wearing flannel? Will once worked corporate at Sears before being laid off in 1993.

Will: You really think your Chicago Tribune salary can cover the mortgage while I find a new job?
Virginia: Of course. Journalism will never die. I went to Medill.

(Northwestern University’s Medill School is allegedly the best journalism school in the world.)

Meanwhile, Marvin resents his employer, IBM, fearing layoffs and outsourcing. He’d quit, but what tech company is going to hire a 50-year-old who makes six figures?

Marvin has two definitions for AI:

1. Artificial Intelligence

2. An Indian

He’d prefer neither to replace his job.

Everyone tells you the same thing: senior year is the best year of high school because when it’s over, it’s over. After all, who wants to peak in high school? Those who do go onto become “independent consultants” for the pyramid scheme—I mean side hustle—known as Amway.

But here’s what no one tells you: senior year is stupidly expensive.

Depending on your school, you’ll have to pay to retake the SAT or take the ACT. You have to buy a cap and gown from Josten’s. It’s usually the only graduation gown your school will approve. Sure, you could buy a cheaper $25 gown online, but your school might notice the differences between the Josten’s gown and the $25 one.

Josten’s knows some students can’t afford the graduation gown, which means they can’t attend the graduation ceremony. They won’t lower prices because gowns are single-use. If they sold them for cheaper, they’d make less money. And even if you do buy the cap and gown, they still try to upsell you.

It took me forever just to find just the cap and gown on my school’s website because they want me to buy the $300 “Mascot Package”. Sure, my dad made $73,000 last year, but they’re not going to spend that much money on this junk.

Additionally, senior pictures cost money because don’t you want to hang a framed photo of your kid to show everyone that they successfully completed high school? Want that yearbook? Buy it for $70. Prom tickets? $80. Maybe more. Oh, and you also have to buy that perfect dress or suit, which will probably cost more than the prom ticket itself.

And who can forget college?

Most colleges charge application fees, which can be as high as $75 per school. Then there’s the cost of attendance. It’s unlikely your parents saved tens of thousands of dollars, so you’ll probably take out high-interest loans. After all, not everyone can land a rare full-ride presidential scholarship.

I don’t really want to spend all this money on these senior-year items. I already have a list on what I want to spend my hard-earned money (aka the money my dad gives me) on:

1. A bass guitar

2. An amp for said bass guitar

3. Green Day tickets

4. The X-Files DVDs

5. Sennheiser earbuds

6. A ThinkPad

7. A Tucker Kraft jersey

8. Root beer

9. A good camera

10. HBCU football tickets

What am I doing on MLK Day? Absolutely nothing.

Both of my parents are working because their jobs apparently forgot it was a federal holiday. Yesterday, I walked past a small custom print shop with a sign on the door announcing they’d be closed for MLK Day, and I thought Wow. Anything for a day off.

Last night, I posted an Instagram story to my 4,000+ followers (Mom, I’m famous) claiming that if it got 30 likes, I would have to continue watching Californication.

I did not want to keep watching Californication.

But alas, when I woke up this morning at 7 AM (do not wake up at 7 AM on a day off again), it had exactly 30 likes.

I admit, the show’s growing on me. I’ve always been drawn to shows where the main characters are losers—mostly because I am one. I wasn’t used to the raunchy content of the show, and episode three happened to have less of that.

In Californication, Hank Moody is famous for writing a book called God Hates Us All, which is later turned into a movie, A Crazy Little Thing Called Love, which he hates. But despite having an obvious talent for writing, he doesn’t want to do anything after releasing the book.

It got me thinking the same thing: I have so much potential in so many areas, but I enjoy doing nothing. It’s been weeks since I’ve posted a new Instagram reel or a Substack post. I keep giving myself excuses: I ran out of ideas, I’m too busy, I’m too tired.

But in reality, I just want to sit there, relax, and do nothing. Maybe watch a show or movie. If I’m feeling extra productive, I might read one of the books I own, and maybe, I’ll actually finish it. Maybe. Probably not.

Now, I’m dealing with the consequences of inactivity: losing followers and underperforming posts. Two weeks ago, I posted a reel about outrageous thrift store prices and it didn’t 10,000 views. In fact, multiple videos of mine failed to hit the 10,000 view mark. At some point, I posted every other day during the summer. Then school started.

Everyone says senior year is supposed to be chill. It is not. They’re all liars, and I’m strongly considering using “God hates us all” as my senior quote. I don’t know if that’ll be allowed. Guess we’ll change it to “Live life like you’re in a sitcom.”

I’ve never really believed in God. When I was younger, my mom bribed me with the promise of Chicken McNuggets if I behaved at church. I was enrolled in catechism classes that I hated. I forgot 95% of what I learned in those classes. The best part was the end-of-the-year pizza parties.

But one of the joys of posting online is reading comments. I firmly believe that the comment section is the greatest part of the internet. I love reading people’s opinions and adding my own. I swear that I will never disable the comments on any account I run, even if every comment is a death threat.

Which is why I hate people who limit or disable the comments. I’m not following you just to comment on one post. It’s like news websites that ask you to subscribe just to read one article. If you disable comments, I think you’re a coward and a hypocrite. How are you going to post publicly but be so ashamed of people’s thoughts that you have to either disable the comments entirely or restrict them to just your friends who you know will only say nice things?

As much as I try to avoid criticism because it shatters my inflated ego, the truth hurts.

I wanted to major in journalism. My friends told me not to: low wages, layoffs, accusing journalists of being biased, companies forcing specific narratives.

I’m never majoring in journalism. I think it’s ridiculous that you have to major in journalism to get most journalism jobs, especially with the crappy pay. You’ll find a job that pays $50,000 but it’s in San Francisco or one that pays $19 an hour and requires a bachelor’s degree and three years of experience.

I don’t come from money. I can’t afford to major in something with a low return on investment. I’m starting at community college because of the high costs of college, and it sucks because everyone’s like “I’m going to this four-year college” while I’m here, and I feel that I should be up there with them. My parents make just over $100,000 a year. Most colleges that offer free tuition have a cut off at $100,000 a year.

The middle class experience: parents make too much money, but saved too little, too late.

A lot of the generous scholarships are reserved towards low-income students or high-achieving students. I am neither.

But hey, at least my latest reel about Church’s Chicken, posted today, is already at 6,000 views. We’ll pass 10,000 in no time!

Mervyn’s was a department store chain located primarily in the western United States that catered towards middle-class families and focused largely on clothing. After Target sold the company to a private equity firm in 2004, Mervyn’s went out of business just four years later due to massive debt accumulated during its leveraged buyout and the effects of the 2008 recession.

Over the years, rumors of the chain coming back floated around, but nothing ever came of them.

Until now, apparently.

Today, a quick search for Mervyn’s brings up a website called MervynsOnline.com, often appearing below the Mervyn’s Wikipedia page, or even above it. The favicon os lowercase blue Mervyn’s “M,” so it looks legitimate. But when you click on the site itself, you’re presented with what looks like a generic Shopify website.

Rather than showcasing the original Mervyn’s logo, the logo is simply plain gray text that says “Mervyns”. A low-resolution stock image of a man and woman at the beach is shown on the front page, with large text saying “Up to 70% OFF”. Under that text, a smaller text says “Limited Time Only Online Sale.”

Their featured products on this page include mostly jewelry, which Mervyn’s did sell. A silver moissanite bracelet is currently selling for $297.97, down from $609.99. It sounds like a deal, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, that bracelet is sold out.

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Mervyn’s Online has a tab labeled “Women Mystery Bag,” but clicking on this leads to a page that says “No products found.” At some point, the mystery bags did exist. A 2024 Wayback Machine snapshot shows two mystery bags: “Mystery Bag of 5 Branded Items” for $75 (down from $187.99) and a “Mystery Bag of 5 White Label Items” for $60 (down from $159.99). Unfortunately, the pages for these items were never archived.

The About Us section of the site claims that “Mervyns Department Store is back and online only,” but is labeled with inaccuracies. They claim that “Mervyns was acquired by Target Corporation in 2004” when in reality, Target sold Mervyn’s that year.

“The company began as a six-pack of socks.”

You heard it here first, folks. Mervyn’s initially started as a sock factory, not a department store! (lies)

“The new Mervyns is an online only store that specializes in selling closeout and overstocked merchandise from other retailers.”

What other retailers? I found a cashmere sweater listed for $338.99. Zooming in on the product image, there’s a tag for a company called Hommard, an Amsterdam-based cashmere company. This exact same sweater is currently selling on Hommard’s website for $391. Interestingly, Mervyn’s Online makes no mention of the Hommard brand anywhere on its multiple cashmere sweater listings.

Mervyn’s is currently selling a men’s P-51 Mustang t-shirt. A reverse image search reveals that this exact design is being sold by Airpower Art on Pixels, where it can be bought as a poster. It is likely that this design was stolen without permission and slapped onto a t-shirt.

So, who owns the Mervyn’s Online website? No one knows. They make no mention of who they are on their website. A WHOIS lookup reveals that the owners have used a privacy service to conceal their location and identities. Wikipedia lists its new owners as “Unknown.” The domain has been registered since 2022, but its social media pages have been inactive since 2023. The Mervyn’s trademark itself is listed as dead.

This is not Mervyn’s. This is a nostalgia based cash-grab. Maybe, we will see Foley’s come back through a Shopify website!

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Lakewood Elementary is an outlier in Dallas ISD. In a district where white students make up just 6% of total enrollment, Lakewood is 75% white and is one of the very few Dallas public schools where white students are the majority. The school is highly rated, earning a 94 out of 100, and is constantly featured in Lakewood-area real estate listings. Less than 10% of its students are classified as economically disadvantaged.

Lakewood is one of the wealthiest areas in Dallas, located near White Rock Lake and the Dallas Arboretum. Most neighborhood families with school-aged children attend Lakewood Elementary. It is one of only seven Dallas ISD elementary schools closed to transfers, meaning all 1,067 students live within its attendance boundaries. Although Dallas ISD once bused Black students to Lakewood under court-ordered integration, busing is no longer practiced.

Lakewood students are zoned to J.L. Long Middle School, which is not rated as highly as Lakewood, but still posts a solid score of 82 out of 100. However, its student body looks much different: 64% of students are economically disadvantaged, and the racial breakdown is 28% white, 60% Hispanic, and 8% Black. Long enrolls 1,079 students—nearly the same size as Lakewood. Like Lakewood, is one of only two Dallas ISD middle schools that do not accept transfers.

J.L. Long feeds directly into Woodrow Wilson High School, which is also closed to transfers. Woodrow is 28% white, 61% economically disadvantaged, and carries an 83/100 rating.

Several elementary schools feed into J.L. Long:

• Geneva Heights: 380 students; 38% white; 49% economically disadvantaged; accepts transfers

• Lipscomb: 386 students; 14% white; 77% economically disadvantaged; accepts transfers

• Mockingbird: 630 students; 52% white; 25% economically disadvantaged; no transfers

• Mount Auburn STEAM: 548 students; 4% white; 93% economically disadvantaged; accepts transfers

• Roberts: 340 students; 3% white; 97% economically disadvantaged; accepts transfers

Looking specifically at fifth-grade enrollment in 2023–24:

• Geneva Heights: 32 students

• Lakewood: 94 students

• Mockingbird: 81 students

• Mount Auburn: 61 students

• Roberts: 56 students

That totals 324 fifth graders, compared with 352 sixth graders enrolled at J.L. Long in 2024–25.

So where do Lakewood students go after elementary school?

Many do not continue through the neighborhood public pipeline. Instead, a substantial number leave for private schools. Some remain in Dallas ISD at J.L. Long and Woodrow Wilson, while others enroll in magnet programs such as TAG or Solar Prep.

Within the neighborhood itself is Lakehill Preparatory School, founded during the era of Dallas ISD’s court-ordered integration. Today, Lakehill remains 91% white, with tuition for 12th grade reaching $30,600—more than the cost of attending some of the private high schools Lakewood families later choose.

Lakehill is not the only option that many families choose. Neighborhood signage points to St. John’s Episcopal ($25,252 for 5-8, 90% white) and St. Thomas Aquinas Catholic ($10,460 for 6-8, 76% white) as popular middle-school choices.

At the high-school level, common destinations include Bishop Lynch (co-ed, 58% white, $25,100), Jesuit (boys, 75% white, $26,300), and Ursuline (girls, 76% white, $29,200).

All of this raises an uncomfortable question: why do so many Lakewood parents opt out of J.L. Long and other Dallas ISD neighborhood schools?

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Maestro University markets itself as the “#1 AI-native university offering free world-class education.” A fully-free AI-powered university? If it sounds too good to be true, that’s because it is.

Maestro’s marketing is misleading. Maestro is not free. Tuition is only waived for students who qualify for the Maestro Pro scholarship, requiring a household income of under $100,000 and full-time enrollment. Advertisements don’t disclose this, instead suggesting that everyone receives free tuition.

Maestro offers just one degree: an Associate of Applied Science in AI Software Engineering. Without the scholarship, tuition is $10,000 a year, with the expectation that you finish the degree in three years, bringing the total cost to $30,000 for the entire degree.

For comparison, at my local community college, a two-year associate’s degree in software engineering would cost around $5,590. Meanwhile, Western Governors University, an online university, offers tuition for its software engineering bachelor’s degree for $8,430 a year, making it only slightly more expensive than Maestro: $33,720 for a four-year bachelor’s degree vs. $30,000 for a three-year associate’s degree.

You don’t know about the cost immediately. When you go to the Maestro website, you are immediately met with a chatbot. When I asked the bot who teaches at Maestro, it told me that my “main teacher is Maestro,” an AI tutor, with office hours with a human tutor and human teachers.

When I asked it to tell me who the human instructors were, the bot replied, “all human tutors and teachers work behind the scenes, and you’ll meet them when you join the program.”

I then asked if Maestro was a for-profit institution, but the bot dodged the question, simply stating that “Maestro College is a private, accredited institution.”

Maestro was initially founded as Andrew Jackson University in 1994 to serve adult learners. In 2010, it was purchased by UniversityNow, Inc. and rebranded as New Charter University, relocating the school from Birmingham to San Francisco and becoming a for-profit college. In 2015, it was sold to Global Heritage Education and relocated to Salt Lake City.

In 2020, New Charter became Bottega University after being acquired by Bottega, LLC, but the name lasted just five years before being rebranded as Maestro, which was founded as Masterschool. As far as 2023 when it was Masterschool, there have been complaints about its misleading “free” marketing.

Maestro College is accredited by the Council on Occupational Education, except it received that accreditation when it was Peloton College. Yeah, it’s not just Andrew Jackson/New Charter/Bottega. Confusing, right? It’s likely that Peloton merged with Bottega to create Maestro.

Meanwhile, Maestro University is supposed to be accredited by the Distance Education Accrediting Commission sometime soon.

In conclusion, don’t sign up for Maestro. There are more affordable options available with less misleading marketing. After all, AI is prone to mistakes, and it’s unlikely employers would know anything about Maestro, let alone hire anyone with a degree from the college.

Some people say they were born in the wrong body. I say I was born in the wrong state.

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My name is Ginny McKinney and I was born and raised in Texas, a state home to Buc-ee’s, H-E-B, and Whataburger. Yet, I have never felt truly at home. Deep down, I knew that I was meant to be a Wisconsinite.

When I went on long road trips, I would often see cows and wish I was the cow. Sadly, the cows are vanishing as their farmland is replaced by cookie-cutter suburban homes. But in Wisconsin—America’s Dairyland—I will be able to find cows easily. After all, 26% of cheese is made in Wisconsin. There are 50 A&Ws in the state, and in Texas, there are very little.

Wisconsin also has incredible sports teams like the Milwaukee Bucks and Green Bay Packers, who have won at least two championships in their respective leagues. I’m a proud Packers fan. My family doesn’t understand me. My own sister roots for the Bears. I am not accepted in my community. They refuse to acknowledge the truth that Tom Brady wishes he was Jordan Love. Tony Gonzalez wishes he was Tucker Kraft.

So yes, I believe that deserve the in-state benefits at the University of Wisconsin-Madison: lower tuition and a higher chance of getting accepted. I cannot afford to pay the high out-of-state tuition, and my average brain cannot get in with the lower out-of-state tuition rate. I don’t even know what it is; I just know I could never get in.

I don’t like Dallas. I don’t like Austin. I like Milwaukee and I like Madison. I also like cheese. QuikTrip? More like Kwik Trip!

Wait… QuikTrip is from Oklahoma? Are you kidding me?

If reincarnation exists, I wish that I restarted every life in Wisconsin, USA.

Like many of us, I used to think that A&W was just a root beer brand. I’d see the cans lined up to the Coke in the grocery store and didn’t think twice. Back then, I didn’t drink root beer. When I was six, I remember being at Jack in the Box and seeing Mug Root Beer, genuinely thinking that it was actual beer, so I avoided it.

A few years later, Mug turned into a meme, so when I was at a Golden Chick and saw Mug, so I decided to try it. I didn’t like it.

What changed my mind about root beer? Looking up “1950s drive-in” and finding old pictures of A&W drive-ins. That was how I found out that A&W wasn’t just a soda company. They actually had restaurants.

Based off these ancient pictures, I assumed that A&W restaurants were like Sonic drive-ins. Well, not really. While there are still some A&W drive-ins left, most are either combo locations or regular standalone locations.

I didn’t let this deter me. One day, I was in Grand Prairie when I noticed that there was an A&W/Long John Silver’s combo. I went in and ordered a Double Cheeseburger, which I thought was good enough for me to come back.

And I did. Multiple times. Always eating burgers. Sometimes, it was hit or miss. One time I ordered a burger and the bun was soggy. Another time, it took over 15 minutes to get our food. But when it’s good, it’s really good. It’s enough to tell people “You should really go to A&W! Their burgers are great! They make the root beer in-house and it’s better than the bottled version!”

The problem now is trying to get teenagers to enter a place that has a Long John Silver’s sign. That factor alone deters a lot of my friends from going. So, A&W Corporate, if you’re reading this: OPEN A STANDALONE LOCATION IN THE DFW. PRETTY PLEASE?!

So why haven’t more people actually heard of A&W restaurants despite their good food? They literally invented the bacon cheeseburger in Lansing and had over 2,400 locations in the 1970s.

First, they don’t even own the root beer brand. The soda is owned by Dr. Pepper while the restaurant chain is owned by franchisees. The chain pays Dr. Pepper to license the name.

Meanwhile, the chain expands slowly and is located mostly in small Northern towns where it doesn’t have to compete with the bigger competition that a large town has. A&W doesn’t advertise, so even if you do have an A&W in your town, you might’ve never heard of them.

Also, A&W’s signature item, the Papa Burger, which I like, doesn’t stand out all that much. In Canada, where A&W is actually really popular, they have items like the Teen, Mama, and Grandpa Burger. The only Burger Family member left in the United States is Papa. Papa outlived the family.

So what I’m telling you is: go to A&W. A lot of the combo locations are closing due to poor sales, so if you have one and that’s the only way you can access an A&W without driving hours like me, go there. If you have a standalone A&W, go.

And if you have an A&W drive-in?

I’m jealous…

On November 7, 2025, West Alabama announced it was canceling its matchup with Lincoln. Fans didn’t get refunds, but they did get tickets for the season finale against Northeastern State. But this wasn’t even the first time they bailed against West Alabama. The two teams were initially supposed to play on October 4, but that game was postponed after Lincoln cited “excessive injuries.”

Another game against Davenport was canceled for the same reason.

It gets to the point that if you have to cancel games because you don’t have enough healthy players, why are you even fielding a team?

Lincoln has no athletic trainer. No home stadium. Its coach, Desmond Gumbs, collects rent from players living in an apartment his family owns. He makes websites on every platform praising himself, while only winning three games his entire tenure at Lincoln.

Before this season, Lincoln had never canceled a game. But their choices have finally caught up to them, and it’s the players paying the price: injuries, demoralizing blowouts, and no fans supporting them.

Lincoln targets players with few offers, players who want playing time, or guys who exhausted their eligibility. Many hope to use game film to transfer since Lincoln plays so many FCS opponents, but not every school accepts Lincoln credits.

In 2023, nine FCS schools scheduled the Oaklanders:

1. Cal Poly

2. Lamar

3. Texas Southern

4. New Haven

5. Southern

6. Tennessee State

7. Kennesaw State

8. Southern Utah

9. Florida A&M

Nearly all these games were blowouts. Even Division II teams won easily. That season, Lincoln was outscored 460-100.

But after USA Today wrote scathing posts about them, comparing them to the infamous Bishop Sycamore, just three FCS schools scheduled Lincoln:

1. Northern Arizona

2. West Georgia

3. Mercyhurst

Somehow, things got worse. They were outscored 586-92!

But despite all this, five FCS schools scheduled them in 2025:

1. Arkansas-Pine Bluff

2. Idaho State

3. Alcorn State

4. Mississippi Valley State

5. Prairie View A&M

After being outscored 239-26 in its first four games, including a 90-0 embarrassment against Idaho State, Lincoln abruptly canceled its games against Davenport and West Alabama, citing injuries. The West Alabama game was first postponed, but it too was canceled. Lincoln eventually returned to finish the rest of the season, being outscored 197-0 in their four games.

Here’s the part that should embarrass the SWAC teams that scheduled them: Division II schools put more points than them. Northeastern State dropped 68, Lincoln (MO) scored 55, and Texas A&M-Kingsville put up 60. Both Lincoln (MO) and Kingsville played them before the injuries.

For context, the most points any SWAC school scored on them was when Mississippi Valley State won 49-0. This was after the injuries and cancellations. This was also Valley’s only win of the entire 2025 season.

Meanwhile, Prairie View A&M’s coach, Tremaine Jackson (who turns off comments on Twitter) had the audacity to complain when their homecoming game wasn’t sold out. Fans don’t want to see you beat Lincoln. They want to see literally any real opponent.

If the SWAC didn’t lead the FCS in overall attendance, a good chunk of them would be in Division II or NAIA.

And the scheduling gets even more ridiculous.

Northeastern State and Arkansas-Pine Bluff both scheduled Westgate Christian, whom the NCAA considers a non-countable opponent because the “school” is unaccredited. That’s why games against Westgate doesn’t appear on ESPN. Look up Westgate Christian’s listed address. It’s in a Houston strip mall.

So if you’re an athletic director reading this, stop scheduling Lincoln. If you’re this desperate for a win, drop down a division. You’re enabling a program that puts its players at risk both physically and academically.

And if you’re a fan? Put pressure on your school. Email. Call. Flood social media. Do not let your school schedule Lincoln unless you want to watch a boring 45-0 blowout game or have homecoming canceled.